Fear

“How do you feel about me?” The question I knew was coming, but tried so hard to avoid. As I scramble to find an answer to fill the silence, my delay makes the moment even more awkward. My true feelings surface and in my mind I think “I really like you & I want a relationship”. But before the words could reach my tongue, they get stuck in my throat and I choke as I mumble, “I don’t know”, with uncertainty. This is followed by another awkward silence then an abrupt change in subject. Why am I so afraid to say how I truly feel? This fear may be due to the fact that the last time I confessed my true feelings, they were balled up, stepped on and thrown in the trash for the flies to nibble on... That may be a little melodramatic, but that’s how bad it hurt! This fear has brought the love life of millions of girls, to a standstill. “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -Fulton Oursler. I could not have said that any better. With fear in your heart, you will never be able to move beyond the position you are in. 

                                    “The key to change... is to let go of fear.” - Rosanne Cash

If the above scenario sounds rather familiar, it is because many of us have been there before. Led to this feeling called fear, we shield our hearts from pain and heartache while those who wish to show us that not all guys/girls are the same are blocked out. Consequently, our emotions and feelings towards that person are never brought to surface because of fear. Fear of having our hearts trampled on by someone who promised that they would never do such a thing. While this remains a sad reality a blessing about life is that with every experience emerges a stronger you. No one wants their heart broken but if you find yourself with one, know that opening it up to love again will mend it back together. 

Breakdown

Mariah Carey's song 'Breakdown' tells a love story that many girls can relate to. The lyrics of the song explains the emotions that most girls feel during a heartbreak.

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was okay
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

[Chorus:]
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the disguise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry

So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

It'll break you down
Only if you let it
Everyday crucial situation wrackin' my mind
Tryin' to break me down
But I won't let it

Moving Forward

Moving Forward "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it." -Rafiki (The Lion King)

 

Holding on to the hurt and pain from our past is something that many of us do. We tend to make decisions, based on our past, that hinder us from moving forward. You can never fully move on with your life if you are constantly dwelling on the pain. If you have been hurt, it is okay to cry about it, but you cannot cry forever. Letting go is hard to do, but it has to be done! Here are a few steps to help you Move Forward.

Step 1.
Face the problem: You can not move forward if you have not accepted what has happened. Many people are stuck in their position because they try to forget, or act like it has never occurred, without facing and accepting it.

Step 2.
Accept your feelings: Once something occurs, people tend to hide their feelings. They decide that it is better to not show emotion. This just causes a build up and prohibits you from moving forward. If you are upset, take a moment to release your feelings and realize that it is alright to feel the way you feel.

Step 3.
Let it go: Once you have accepted what has transpired and released your emotions, it is time to let it go! Don't let it hold you back by constantly thinking about it or by being afraid to make decisions because of it. It may come up again in the future, but if you have accepted it, it will not affect you.


Step 4:
Start Fresh!: Once you have let everything go, you can now make clear decisions and move forward with your life. It may not happen immediately, but if you continue to believe that you will get through it... Everything will be OK.



Inspiration At It's Best

Inspirational Quotes

♥ Don't WAIT on opportunity..CREATE opportunity. The door is often opened by the one persistent enough to find the key! 

♥ There are no accidents. Everything you've been through has been preparing you for everything you're going to be 

♥ If you don't love yourself, someone will come and teach you how to hate yourself. Then you'll confuse the two. 

♥ If a person won't be faithful to God,what makes you think they'll be faithful to you?

♥ Ladies it's a big difference between what a man will sleep with and what he'll marry. Understand that.

♥ Your life is a movie, don't let the climax be you watching others make moves. Make moves!

♥ When you start "smellin" yourself, life will wash that "success" right off of you. Stay humble!

♥ When greatness knocks, make sure you're not in bed with mediocre

 ♥ Close call, you think you might fall, all you gotta do is try. Even angels learn to fly

♥ Happy are those who dream, dreams, and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

Core Values

Core values are the values instilled in us by our parents or by ourselves that define who we want to be and how we want to act. The values and beliefs you settle for, “Create your self expression and life picture.” For example your parents may have taught you to always be honest and to respect yourself. You may have also decided to value your virginity and wait until marriage. These personal values help you to understand yourself. But when teens go away to college they throw all of those values out of the window. So, the question is, Why is it so easy for teens to lose sight of their core values in college?

College, for most, is a new and exciting experience. It is the time to get away from your parents and become adults. Throughout life, our parents have taught and given us tools to survive in the world. They teach us things like respect, compassion and responsibility. There are many teens that hold on to these values and stay true to themselves. Then, there are the ones who lose sight of them and lose sight of themselves. So what is the true reason for this? We can blame the parents but, many parents try really hard to raise there children to be respectable young adults and it just does not work. Some teens just are not ready to be on their own. All of their lives, they have been sheltered and protected to the point that when they are on their own, they do not know how to react to the things that life throws at them. They start to experience problems that they have never experienced before. Losing sight of yourself only takes one bad decision. It takes a lot of work to hold on to your values, but we all can do it. Just remember who you are and who you want to be. Don’t let anyone steer you otherwise. -Bonny     

From the time we are young up until the time that we enter college our parents are constantly reminding us of the things that are important in life as well as what will shape and mold us into the individuals that we are or are to become.These are known as values and beliefs. In college there is that sense of freedom and independence that may cause some to lose sight of that. While in college, some are able to successfully practice those values and beliefs but others quickly forget them.  It is somewhat easy to forget simply because there is no longer that constant reminder and because you are now surrounded by so many different people coming from all walks of life who think, act and believe differently than you. However, that is how the world is. Everyone is not like you and you are not like everyone but it is ok to be different and it is ok to be who YOU are. Don't ever feel the need to "try" something because everyone else is doing it or be someone that you are not. Never lose sight of your goals or who you are and put God first ALWAYS and he will guide you through it all. -Gia

Here is a link to understanding personal core values and positive beliefs http://www.inspired-personal-development.com/personal-core-values.html

If you haven't noticed, it has been a while since our last post. Sorry for the lack of updates. We were in a transitioning phase. We are now back in full effect with many more topics!

Looking For Love

I came across this video by an artist named Valure, formally apart of the group Fatty Koo. This song is about something that a lot of us do, look for love in all the wrong places.

'I was looking for a friend
I got a lover
I was searching for love
I got rejection
every heartbreak left its scars and traces
I was looking for love
in all the wrong places'

Immunization

Helpful or Harmful

“Immunizations the best thing to protect your child from a variety of diseases.”

You hear this from your doctor from the media, from the brochures in the clinic, from your friends. But, did you ever stop to think twice about what it all means?

Myth 1. “Vaccines are effective at protecting people from diseases”

Reality: Many studies in the medical literature have documented vaccine failure. Measles, mumps, and small pox, outbreaks have all occurred in vaccinated populations. In 1989, for example measles outbreaks occurred in schools with vaccination levels greater than 98%. The World Health Organization has actually found that a person who is vaccinated for measles has a 15 times greater likelihood of contracting the disease than a person who is not.

Myth 2: “Vaccines are completely safe for children.”

Reality: Vaccines are much more dangerous than we are even aware of. This is information that you will probably not receive from your doctor and if you child does have a reaction, it is unlikely that your doctor will report it. In 1986, the United States Congress created The National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act, which acknowledges the reality of vaccine-caused injuries and death. This law requires doctors to provide parents with information about the benefits and risks of childhood vaccines prior to vaccination. The Food and Drug Administration, acknowledged that 90% of doctors do not report vaccine reactions as required by law.

Other important truths to consider include the fact that vaccinations actually weaken the immune system rather than strengthen it. They only focus on one aspect of the immune system, which interferes with the body’s ability to initiate a “generalized response”. Only that one particular aspect of the system will function. What this means is that the vaccinations produce immune suppression which contributes to an increased susceptibility to other diseases and infections.

Shocking Facts

By the time a child enters first grade, he or she will have received as many as 10 different vaccines for a total of 19 shots. 98% of children living in the United State receive the recommended shots

• The numbers of vaccines has doubled in the last decade
• New vaccines are coming out on a more regular basis
• The United Nations has committed $150 million to develop a “Super Vaccine” to provide immunity against 30 childhood diseases in a single shot.

In 1950, before mass immunizations began, the United States had the third lowest infant mortality rate in the world. By 1995, it dropped to 23rd place and is world renowned for its appalling infant mortality rate.


Information Provided By http://www.missionislam.com/health/immunizationhurtornot.htm

Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

I'm sure all of us have heard of the stereotypes associated with light-skinned blacks as well as dark-skinned blacks. For example,the assumption that light-skinned people are pretty but stuck-up and that dark-skinned people are less attractive simply because of their complexion. However, where do these stereotypes come from? Some might date it back to the days of slavery when light-skinned blacks worked in the "master's" house while dark-skinned blacks worked in the fields signifying that dark-skinned blacks weren't considered "good enough". Others might say that such stereotypes are just another way to keep us from growing as a community. I agree with both. Yes, slavery might be where it originates but such views towards our own people only hinders our growth as a whole. We shouldn't discriminate against our own rather, we should help build each other up. Look at who a person is as an individual not at their complexion or the stereotypes that follow. -Gia


When we are asked to describe someone, for most of us, the first thing we think about is a person's complexion. The easiest answer is "She was light skinned or he was dark skinned". I don't believe that there  is anything wrong with that. The problem occurs when complexion is used to separate our race not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. It is not o.k. to make a party flyer with the title "Red Bone vs Dark Skin girls" nor is it  o.k. to assume that someone is stuck up or cocky just because they are light skinned. It is bad enough that our complexion has been used to separate us from the rest of the world, now we are using it to separate ourselves within our own race. I will admit that I have used this stereotype before to judge someone. Because of society, I believe that in some point of our lives we all have. This is something that we all need to work on as a race. How can we get other races to accept us if we can't accept ourselves? -Bonny  

Hair Myths

I recently came across an article on yahoo that mentioned some of the common hair myths that we hear about everyday.  Most of them.... were false!!

Myth: Frequent trims make hair grow faster.
Truth: "Hair grows a half-inch per month, whether you cut it or not," says John Barrett, owner of the John Barrett Salon in New York City. Hair may grow slightly faster in the summer, but that has nothing to do with the stylist's scissors and everything to do with hormones, which do speed growth a little. One thing a trim will do: Eliminate split ends, making hair look better.

Myth: Switching shampoos can make hair look healthier.
Truth: It may seem so, but experts scoff. "Hair can't tell the difference between brands or build up tolerance to any product," says London-based hair and scalp expert Philip Kingsley. "Your favorite shampoo will work the same every time you lather up, week after week, month after month." If you have very oily hair or favor a particularly sticky styling product that contains wax, it does pay to use a clarifying shampoo once every two weeks to wash away residue. Good Housekeeping's Beauty Department recommends Redken Hair Cleansing Cream and Neutrogena Anti-Residue Shampoo.

Myth: Coloring your hair causes major damage.
Truth: Products today — both at home and in the salon — are gentle enough not to weaken hair. In fact, some contain extra conditioners that may leave hair more manageable than before. Although it's not necessary, "it can't hurt to consult a professional stylist the first time you do anything permanent to your hair or scalp," Kingsley counsels.

Myth: You can mend split ends with the right products
Truth: Once they're split, that's it. The only thing you can do then is cut them off. Celebrity stylist Jimmy Paul suggests making split ends less noticeable by applying a product containing silicone or beeswax. It will temporarily seal ends together, making hair softer and more manageable. Try: John Paul Mitchell Gloss Drops and John Barrett Bee Hold.

Myth: You should brush your hair 100 strokes every day
Truth: "Brush it only to style it, because brushing pulls hairs out of their follicles and possibly weakens individual strands," says Kingsley.

-Courtesy of Shine.Yahoo

Inspiration At It's Best

This week we chose, India Arie's song Video. This is a very inspirational song that encourages women to love themselves. Enjoy!

"When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see"

World News Wednesdays

Violence Is Not The Answer

A Chicago police officer was killed in a gun battle with a suspect Wednesday afternoon, and a suspect was critically wounded, a police spokesman said. The shooting happened on the city's South Side about 3:45 p.m., Officer Daniel O'Brien told CNN. The suspect was being treated at a local hospital Wednesday evening, but the officer died, O'Brien said. Officer Alejandro Valadez was a three year veteran of the Chicago police force. He was responding to a report of shots fired when a gunman in a car opened fire. Valadez's fiancee was also an officer 7th district. ABC7 has learned that she is pregnant. -(CHICAGO) (WLS)

As violence continues to plague Chicago's southside, many wonder when all of the violence will end. Not just in Chicago, but worldwide. What do you feel are some possible solutions to ending violence?

Inspiration At It's Best

We came across this very positive video from an artist named Anhayla. We hope that it inspires and uplifts everyone.

"(U) (G)otta (L)ove (Y)ourself... For Anyone To Love You"

What Happens After The First Slap?

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. It occurs for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence has many forms including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation stalking passive/covert abuse (neglect); and economic deprivation.

• People on the outside looking in would say that the obvious thing to do is to leave but it is much easier to say “leave him” then it is for the woman to actually do so. Domestic violence not only involves physical violence but mental and emotional control over the woman. Now the question becomes when do you decide that you’ve had enough? While some are able to walk away from such situations others may find it to be very difficult. Some women blame themselves and find a way to convince themselves that what is happening is ok when it’s not. Domestic violence is wrong. With that said, I want to offer some words of encouragement to anyone who may be experiencing domestic violence. First and foremost, understand that you are not to blame. Second, know that you are not in it alone. There are others experiencing the same thing and there are people who are willing to help you through. Third, learn to love yourself and realize your self-worth. You are priceless and you deserve real love. –Gia

• The abuse often starts off small. The first attack is normally a slap, punch or a shove. When this happens, a women is confused. Shortly after the attack, comes the apology. The same words are often used, “I’m sorry” “I was just upset” and “It will never happen again”. The shock of being physically harmed by the person you love is a lot to take in. We all hear stories of domestic violence, but a lot of women believe that it could never happen to them. So, when it does happen they don’t know what to do. They end up believing that it will only happen once. The truth is, if a person is bold enough to hit you once without any consequences, they will do it again. Most women stay because they are afraid, have been with the person for a long time, or they believe that they will never fall in love again. We're here to tell you that no matter how long you have been with a person you do not deserve to be abused. There is ALWAYS someone better who will treat you  how you are supposed to be treated and if you are afraid there are many options, you just have to be willing take the first step. -Bonny

If you know someone whom you think is being abused - a friend, family member, co-worker, client, or patient - please consider contacting one of the agencies listed below to discuss ways to safely help them.

Common Ground Sanctuary

Toll Free

248.456.0909

800.231.1127

HAVEN

Toll Free

248.334.1274

877.922.1274

World News Wednesdays

Condoms For First Graders?

When the school board in Provincetown, Mass., voted unanimously on June 8 to provide free condoms to all students in the district without parental notification, no one in the audience objected. In fact, no one thought much about it. The school’s health advisory committee, relying on respected studies, worried that children were becoming sexually active at ever younger ages, and it believed protection was the best policy. the Massachusetts Family Institute hastily issued a statement saying: "Making condoms available to first graders bullies parents to submit to an agenda that promotes sexual promiscuity to innocent children at their most vulnerable age. “I guess the biggest thing [generating controversy] is that it’s for elementary school kids, but where do we draw the line?” School Committee Chairman Peter Grosso told the Boston Globe. “We’re going to revisit it." He said discussion would likely center around setting a minimum age for eligibility. But he promised that there would be some access for elementary school kids. -Fox News

Tell us your opinion. Do you believe that first grade is too early to start giving out condoms or do you believe that they should be prepared?

Inspirational Quotes

"Say all u need to say and if they still walk away: they were not your destination, they were only preparation."

• If you give all that you can give and they still decide to leave, then it wasn’t meant to be. They were simply preparing you for what's ahead.

"Sometimes you have to take a step backward in the wrong direction, in order to move forward in the right one."

• Sometimes you have to make a mistake in order to progress.

"We can only know happiness after experiencing sadness. Never think that rock bottom is our permanent spot."

• In order to enjoy the happy moments ,you have to go through the sad ones. Don't get discouraged when you fall down.

"I was born underwater with 3 dollars and 6 dimes."

• I was born complete.

Respect Is Just The Minimum

Why Don't Men Respect Women?

Men don't respect women because women don't respect themselves. Some women forget that the way you carry yourself becomes the perception others have of you. If you don't act like a lady, then you can't expect to be treated like one. However, that is only part of the problem. The other part is that women are not demanding respect. Some of us take words like "bitch" and "hoe" lightly and use them amongst each other yet wonder why some men feel that it is ok to use them as well. Truth is, it is not ok but if we accept it then we can't expect things to change. We as women need to realize that we deserve to be treated like the queens that we are because change starts with us. -Gia

Before you can answer the question of why don’t men respect women, you need to answer the question of who’s fault is it? Is it the women's fault that men don’t respect them or is it the men's fault? What about the parents or the media? There isn’t one definite answer to this question. As each new generation enter this world, respect for women minimizes. There is only so much blame you can put on everyone besides the women. A parent can only instill so many values into their child before the child starts to experience things and gain their own views. All the blame can’t be put on the men either. The only response I have to this question is, a person can only do to you what you allow them to. With that being said, the only way someone can disrespect you is if you allow them to. -Bonny

She's Just Not That Into You

It is often said that women don’t get the hint, but it seems that guys have the same problem. Women are not the only ones who feel the urge to call or text multiple times even when they don’t get a response. You try to convince yourself that she didn‘t get it but the truth is, she’s just not that into you.

Guys, just like you all throw hints to let the woman know that you are not interested, women do the same. However, these hints are sometimes unsuccessful. One possible reason could be that these hints are misinterpreted or it could be that you are simply not paying attention. To clear up any confusion here are some signs that will let you know when you should just let it go!!

• Sign #1 If you call and NEVER get a response.
• Sign #2 If you text and NEVER get a response.
• Sign #3 If she tells you that she is not looking for anything serious, she’s probably trying to let you down easy.
• Sign #4 If she says she’s busy whenever you call.
• Sign #5 If she completely IGNORES you, Let it go.

Conversation Starters

Have you ever really wanted to say something, but you didn’t know what to say? Well, here’s a list of conversation starters.

• Topic #1 Talk about something that you both are interested in. For example, basketball or cooking
• Topic #2 Talk about your day or ask about his/hers.
• Topic #3 Ask an intriguing question
• Topic #4 Start off with a joke or something funny
• Topic #5 Talk about likes and dislikes

The next time you find yourself at a loss for words, try one of these conversation starters and see where it goes.

Top 5 Signs That The Conversation Isn't Going Anywhere

• Sign #1 Silence or Long Pauses
• Sign #2 Repetition
• Sign #3 Meaningless Questions
• Sign #4 When you’re thinking about how much you want the conversation to end.
• Sign #5 When you resort to talking to people in your background

Check Please!

You're out on a date with a guy and you all are enjoying yourselves. The night is coming to an end and it is time to pay the bill. As the bill sits on the table, you both stare at each other wondering who is going to pick up the tab. After minutes of silence, he suggests splitting the bill in half….Uhh No?

• In the beginning of a relationship, it is the guy’s job to pay the bill. I’m a firm believer in chivalry. If the guy is a true gentlemen, he should not have a problem with paying the bill. If there is an issue with money, it should be established before the date. Other than that, there is no reason for a guy to not pay. Deeper into the relationship, the girl can decide to start paying for the dates. Until then, it’s the guy’s job! -Bonny

• "First impressions are everything". With that said, if this is the first date and the guy asked you out, then it is assumed that he will be paying for the date. That's just the way it goes. It is gentleman like and it is simply a nice gesture. Now, there are some cases when splitting the bill is perfectly fine. For example, if you've gone on multiple dates or if this is someone that you're just hanging out with. However, if for some reason he feels that you both should split the bill on the first date, then that needs to be discussed prior to the bill coming to the table. -Gia

Is Texting The New Talking?

Most people prefer to text rather than talk on the phone, but is it really beneficial to a relationship? We all love to get those texts with the flirty winks and smiley faces, but when is it the right time to start communicating on a more personal level? Can you really get to know someone through texting?

• Texting, although convenient, should never be the only form of communication between two people that are trying to get to know more about one another. At some point, the lines of communication should open up and advance to a level where both people are comfortable beyond the keypad. For some, this may take some time, but what matters is that the relationship that you are trying to build progresses. Sure, the texts with the smiley faces and winks are cute and sweet but are you really learning anything about that person? -Gia

• When you first meet someone, the first line of communication is texting. In the beginning it’s interesting. We love receiving Cute little texts that say “Good Morning” or random texts that say “Just thinking about you” when we least expect it, but when you both start to realize that you want to get to know a little more about each other, it’s time to stop texting and start talking. If you have been talking to a guy over a month and haven’t spoken to him on the phone at least once, it’s time to move on. -Bonny

Girls, Is It Okay To Text First?

It's a typical Saturday night and you and your girls are dressed to impress and ready to have some fun. You all decide to go to your favorite Saturday night spot. Your favorite song comes on and you start to dance. You suddenly notice some eye candy across the room. You've seen this guy around before and you think he's cute. You smile at each other flirtatiously. Next thing you know you two are dancing together. Before the song ends he leans over and asks you for your number. You exchange numbers and end the night with hopes that you will see each other again. Throughout the next day you constantly check your phone for a call or text but receive neither. Should you text first?

• Girls are constantly told not to text a guy first. All of our friends tell us, "If he's into you, he will make the first move." I agree with this statement. But is it really wrong for a girl to make the first move? I have met guys who agree, but I have also met guys that like it when a girl takes initiative. Most girls don’t text first because they are afraid of rejection, but constantly waiting for his text and never receiving one is also rejection. Personally, I don’t think that texting first is that bad. Now, If you constantly text and he doesn't respond, let it go. If he’s into you, he wouldn’t mind if you texted him first. If he’s not into you, texting him first is the quickest way of finding out, rather than waiting and wondering -Bonny

• Despite what your girls may say, it is ok to text first. Often, we get caught up in this idea that texting first seems a bit "thirsty" or eager, but honestly, there is nothing wrong with sparking up a converstaion. If you're constantly checking your phone to see if he may have tried to contact you, then you're obviously interested so maybe he is worth texting first. You never know, he may be waiting to hear from you but if in fact he doesn't respond don't trip just move on. -Gia